Ted Douglass and John Pany were, I believe, the last of John’s friends to see him. Ted had encouraged John to meet them, and their wives, Amy and Pati, for a bite to eat the Saturday before he died. I was out of town visiting Maddie for a mother/daughter sorority event at school. John told me about Ted’s invitation and said that he would probably stay home. Like Ted, I encouraged him to get out of the house. This photo is from that night.
John’s favorite memories with Ted are from their trips out to Vail. Ted’s parents have a house near the mountain, which made a good excuse for Spring trips out west. Skiing with the guys, 3:00 pm gatherings at the picnic table on top of the mountain, and his friend Ted, were treasured parts of his life.
“It is challenging to bring together the many swirling thoughts about John’s death. I guess the biggest of all is why didn’t we see signs and maybe we (or more specifically Amy) did. We just didn’t understand them.
I called John that Friday before about joining us (Hersh’s and Pany’s) at Saucon for dinner. He mentioned he was coming back from being on the road and was tired and he would consider it. I called him again on Saturday and he wasn’t really interested. But I pushed and said “hey Annie is out of town why sit at home alone come join us” so he capitulated and met us at the Villa. The dinner started out fun enough and we all ate and drank and went home. On the way home Amy said to me that she thought John was not himself. She had tossed a self-deprecating joke at him during dinner and usually he would in his jolly way laugh with you but this time he didn’t. And she noticed that he didn’t eat very much of his venison stew (he ate a bit and pushed away the plate). I noticed that also but thought it was more because the food at the Villa wasn’t that good that night. That’s the last time I saw him.
Jim Hersh called me Wednesday afternoon around 4ish and at first it took my breath away and there was silence between us. I remember repeating NO, NO, NO……and we hung up. I tried to hold it together but with head in hands began to sob. My assistant helped me gather my things and I cried all the way home into the arms of both my Amy and Audrey. We stood in the kitchen hugging and crying for a long while.
What is the effect? Great sadness!!! Helplessness. John was family!! I loved John like a brother. I miss him. Now every hug with my loved ones has an additional meaning. I am reminded in a raw way how fragile life is. How quickly it can evaporate. Makes me more observant to those around me who might be suffering in silence.”
John Pany is a builder, which qualified him for the top of John’s list the moment they met. That, and John loved any conversation with Pany. When we remodeled our kitchen and bumped the front of the house out, John Pany was our guy. For three months it was like pulling teeth to get John to walk out the door to work. He would have stayed and talked to Pany and his guys all day long.
“It was a little before 5:00 that day. I got a phone call from Lisa Hersh. She said John McGeary shot himself. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I was in disbelief. I was sad. I thought about Annie and the kids and how their lives have been turned upside down. Lisa called me so I could be the one to tell Patti before she would hear the news from someone else. Pat and I immediately drove over to Ravenswood Road to be with our friends and try to make sense of what was happening. It was hard to believe, as I had just had dinner with John four days prior to him taking his life. At dinner he greeted me with his usual big smile and bellowing voice, HELLO MR. PANY. At dinner we talked about the usual, work and family, but he was specifically excited for the ski trip that he would be taking with his son Brendan later in the week. He talked about the new ski equipment he bought and as always, we shared a lot of laughs.
I keep John's obituary by the kitchen table where I read the newspaper every day. I think of him and how he is missing out on the simple, beautiful things in life. I will never understand or comprehend how anyone could get to that point. Life is not always easy, but there is much to enjoy. John had a great family and friends all around him. I will forever miss my friend John and him greeting me with his HELLO MR. PANY.
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