On Sunday, May 6, 2018, while sitting at Brendan’s post-graduation lunch, I received a text that our dear friend, Ted Brennan, went down during the last leg of a triathlon. It was a heart attack. To everyone’s wonderment we learned that there was an angel on Ted’s side that day. A fellow runner and trained medics performed life saving measures moments after the attack. This episode hit John hard, and other than Ted’s family, I’m not sure there was anyone happier when Ted made a 100% recovery. To mark the occasion, and to celebrate reaching the age of 52 (his own dad died of a heart attack at 51), Ted’s wife threw him a “F--- You I’m 52” party. The energy and love of that night was electric. Their friend was alive!
Then, 53 short days later they each got the phone call that John, the big guy with the loudest laugh, was dead. Rob Paradise and Stephen Colaiezzi celebrated Ted’s victory with John on January 5th. Following is what the guys had to share about those calls.
Stephen and John worked out together and enjoyed many skeet shooting adventures. Both “DELCO” boys, their friendship was immediate.
“When I got the call from Charlie, it never occurred to me that the John he was speaking about was your John. The news tore me up and to be honest, I struggle daily to try to make sense of this tragedy. My emotions have ranged all over the board.
John and I had been friends for a while, but we were truly just beginning to become really close. We shared so much in common; we were in very similar places in our lives, we share a very similar upbringing, we are basically from the same hometown. We even share the less then enviable trait of sarcasm. It may not have been our best quality, but John and I were brought up on sarcasm. As corny as it may sound, I was looking forward to growing old with someone I liked as much as I liked John. I miss him every day!
Annie, I could never imagine the depth of your sorrow, or how this has and will affect your family, but I can only hope God continues to bless you with the strength and dignity you have shown this past year. Even now your continued work is an inspiration.”
Rob was one of John’s St. Thomas More friends. All of our children went to school together, so naturally we spent a lot of time together, from soccer fields to socials. John had joined a workout group that Rob was a part of, and both shared a love of the outdoors and biking.
“February 27th 2019, 4:48pm I am about to drop my son Liam off at voice lessons and am driving down 3rd Street in Bethlehem. My wife, Robin, calls and says “Did you drop Liam off yet?” I say no and she asks that I call her when I do. A foreboding feeling hits me. I drop Liam and call her from the parking lot.
“It’s John McGeary- he is dead.”
My mind races….
“Was it a heart attack?”
“No it was a gunshot, they think he shot himself.”
“That is not possible, John is that last person of all my friends that would do that.”
Thus it began, John’s family dealing with the reality that he was dead from suicide and friends and family all wondering what we missed, how could he do this to his family and friends??? We all struggled and still struggle with the why. John’s death and the death of a close friend two months later led me down my own path of self-discovery which led to a job change, better self-care and attempts to get closer to those around me. Some difficult conversations were had and some hard decisions made.
Today I am in a much better place than I was on February 27th of 2019. So for anyone that reads this that might be having a tough time in their life, do not try to tackle everything on your own. Ask family, friends and mental health professional for help. There can be a bright future ahead, you just need to get through the dark days and focus on the good in your life.”
John was in awe of Ted’s recovery and recounted the story to many. Ted is a great friend and John and I spent many nights with him and his wife, Jenn
“I had landed from Tel Aviv and was getting on the employee bus to the parking lot and my phone rang. It was Jenn and she was running (to her car to go to Annie’s to help if she could) and very upset. She said, "It is John, it is John, he is gone.” I immediately thought it was my father in law and I asked, “Papa John, what happened?” She said, “John McGeary, he was shot. He may have shot himself.” My head was spinning. No Way! This is the guy who was at my bedside almost every day after my sudden heart attack last May and continually came by my house or called daily when I was released from the hospital. I drove home from Newark in complete disbelief. John celebrated me and my true lucky new lease on life. He had told me of his promotion, his new truck and the snow blower with heated handles. He seemed very pleased with how his life was going. He could not have taken his own life. He was a happy guy. He was a social guy. He was not hurting or at least I certainly did not think so or even questioned that he might be in pain.
Since that call I still ask why, knowing I will never get that answer…. In reality it does not really matter, John is gone and it just really hurts. I lost a friend, my closest friends lost a friend too, a husband, a father, a brother and there won’t ever be an answer or relief from this loss, this pain. I was 21 when I lost my dad, I have a real idea of the pain and loss that John John, Brendan and Maddie are experiencing. It is horrible and they are so fortunate to have an amazing family around them and an incredible extended “family” and friends to help them navigate this tragedy.
What is different in my life since John and my heart attack is that I talk more to my friends and family. I have sincere discussions and make time for them. Much more than I ever did before. I am not afraid to speak to a professional but that is because I have in the past and Jenn has made it a non-issue. We have coaches to make us better athletes. We have coaches to make us more productive in the workplace so why not have life coaches, coaches that help our minds.”
If you are depressed or anxious and are having thoughts of suicide, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255.
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