The men in John’s life meant the world to him. On that Wednesday afternoon, from the moment word began to spread, they started to appear; the ones he skied with, worked with, biked with, worked out with, shot skeet with and prayed with. There was disbelief, sadness,
and anger. Tears like I’ve never seen before from grown men. I love each and every one of them for how much they loved John and for the joy they brought to his life.
I recently wrote the following on my blog. “I believe that in talking there is sharing, in sharing there is community and in community there is support and hope.” In that regard, I asked a number of John’s friends to recount their experience of receiving the news of his death or for thoughts of him that came to mind at that time. I want people to know that we can learn from sharing and in talking about the hard times, there can be peace and healing. In my next five posts this week I will share thoughts from John’s friends on his suicide.
Geoff Geis and Patrick Loughlin are long time friends of ours and their wives, Anne Geis and Ellen Loughlin, are two of my best friends. Geoff and my sister-in-law, Jen, were the first two people to arrive at the house that day. I will forever remember the look on his face and his embrace when he and Jen arrived. He recounted the following.
“I opened a door in our office and heard Jen screaming. I ran to her and we hugged as she told me that John was dead. I found her keys, we got in the car and started the short, but seemingly long, trip to your house. I didn’t immediately accept the fact that he had committed suicide. I just wanted to help you in the first few hours and kept thinking that there had to be another explanation. I had known John long enough and well enough that my logic steered me away from thinking that this could be true. This was not John. This was too far out of the realm of possibilities of an outcome for him. It still feels that way to me. It is still shocking. It is still hard to think about. Mostly because I miss him, but also because it is a situation where there is no answer to the question "why?".
The effect all this has had on me is very difficult to express. I guess it’s left me a little more compassionate, a little more self centered about what's right for me, a little more confused, a little more weathered, and a little more spiritual.
Like music, I still hear his laugh in my head quite often.”
Patrick and Ellen arrived in Allentown a few years after we met Anne and Geoff, and together with my brother and sister-in-law, the eight of us shared some of the very best times during our five consecutive summer vacations in the Outer Banks, NC. Patrick's thoughts brought him to that place.
“When Ellen and I moved to Allentown in 2000, we promptly enrolled the kids in St. Thomas More and Hope Pre-school and had the good fortune to meet the Kelly’s, Geis’ and McGeary’s – all of whom welcomed us to the LV with open arms and big hearts. After a couple of years, we began the tradition of a summer trip to the Outer Banks.
With one house, 8 adults and 12 kids, ranging from around 3 to 9 years old, it was quite an experience, but many hands make light the work and we all had our role to play – I was assigned the job of admonishing the kids at the beginning of the week about not going in the pool or jacuzzi or to the beach without an adult. My memory of John was the one adult there who seemed like he was everybody’s dad, the one who gladly bore the brunt of our adult-escort policy. Whether it was being the first one to take the boys to the beach in the morning, going in the pool when no one else wanted to or sitting by the jacuzzi with the little girls (even during the summer it rained every day), John was the kid’s “go to” guy.
Our kids still talk about it all the time – Kevin (3 years old) loved having Mr. “Nageary” pick him up over his head and hurl him about 10 feet across the pool. John was such a kind-hearted person who was generous in every way, especially with his time. I think this is something we can all take as an example.“
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